Novels aren’t just happy escapes; they are slivers of people’s souls, nailed to the pages, dripping ink from veins of wood pulp. Reading the right one at the right time can make all the difference.
This looks infinitely better than that stupid fucking douche canoe known as the “Kandy Kruise” from back in the day. I’m thinking of going with a Concierge Class Stateroom during the Bahamas Voyage. Who’s in?
Coachella on a boat motherfucker…
This place does not exist… (Taken with Instagram)
Remember that word ‘innocent’? This is why Trayvon Martin is dead.
Amber Tamblyn is a boss.
Here’s why: Thinking she was Amber Rose, Tyrese Gibson sent her an (unsolicited!) email wanting to “make some music” together (uh huh. ew). So Amber Tamblyn did what any awesome boss-like woman would do, and punk’d his douchey ass by playing along and sending him her “rap demos”. They are made of awesome and win with double rainbow unicorn sprinkles on top. And this demo, All in Favor, is my new favorite thing. The lyrics:
Dear men in Congress,
You think banning birth control is conservative progress?
You think sanctioning my ovaries won’t bring me to violence?
How about I tell you what to do with your caucus:
It is now illegal to think about me topless
to keep your lotion where your socks is
to refer to powerful women as monsters like those jocks at FOX did
I am not afraid to cock-block, dick
to sew an instructional video for rape kits to your eyelids and make you watch it
I’ll take away your golf clubs and gun clips
I’m gonna fix this by getting you fixed
Enough’s enough kid, come on stop that
If you wanna make this law, then use my law rap:
You have the right to get strangled by a bra strap
Anything you sexualize with can, and will get shot at, with a glock cap
I’ll shove your life in a duffelbag, hand it over to a sex trafficker and let him smuggle that…
You wanna cuddle dad?
No, don’t touch me!
You can’t touch me anymore!
I’m so pissed I forgot how to rhyme
I hate you so much, I forgot what I was talking about
Who wants to get Mexican food?
Jay-Z do something – this is do or die
These are the new rules I play by
This is the end of the line – KO white guy
Ladies testify. It’s time to put a measure on the floor against chromosome Y
All in favor, say I.